I Miss You So Much It Hurts II

You hearing me? I miss you, and I know that you know that even though I don't get to write for you that often.


I'd oftentimes think how my life would turn out to be had you not left 13 years ago. Perhaps you'll drive me to have the same appetite as you do and I'd look a bit 'unslim' than I am now. Perhaps we'd watch musical numbers together as you know how I adore Leah Salonga whom I was named after, perhaps we'd walk together and chat, like we used to.


As soon as you left I felt how it is to live lacking a father figure. You were the one beside me teaching me Math or whatnot's, you argued with me about politics and other things like which pizza flavor to pick. You were there. We were so close that when you left, I had to motivate myself to creating a mindset that all of those roles will then be fulfilled Mom. I was closer than you than I was with her. I was your baby even at 14.


Perhaps I'd be stronger because I'd have more years under your tutelage. Perhaps you'd repeatedly tell me not to cry and I'd follow you and I won't be the cry baby that I am now. I recall that particular day when you told me NOT TO CRY, and I guess that's a statement you told me just once but would want me to remember even after you left.


We'd read books and argue about them, I'd have you read Tuesdays with Morrie or perhaps read it out for you as your eyes won't have the 20- 20 vision you used to have. I'd force you to stay with me in Manila and if you don't agree I'd visit our hometown on a weekly basis. We'd eat 'palabok' heartily, we'd watch movies together, I'd give you a massage from time to time even when you don't ask me to give you one. I'd replenish your container of water as I know you can drink 4 to 6 liters in a day.  


I would be the best daughter you could ever ask for. We'd go to church together and I won't refuse talking about the history of saints and Word War and the Republicans, I won't fail to buy you a Sunday copy of your favorite newspaper. I would be there for you and forget about work and drive towards home immediately as soon as you need me. I will be the daughter who'll always be around.


I love you and I miss you so much. Happy Father's day Pap. Please let me dream about you.    



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