Sunday, April 26, 2015

My Letter to All Novice Moms

 (or for all moms who can relate)
She hasn’t taken a bath at 3PM because she had to make sure the baby is already clean and fresh and ready for siesta before she takes a shower.

She wants to, but can’t get the room tidy 100% of the time even if she tries hard to make her surroundings spotless. She knows though that it is normal for toys to be scattered on the floor and puzzle mattes to not be perfectly aligned with each other and for baby books to not be on their usual location. 

At times, she apologizes to her husband for not being able to do this or that for him because she did this or that for the baby first so the husband had to do the task himself.

She always looks forward to Sundays and feels a whimper of pain if her husband says “can we just stay at home, I am tired?” Sunday is the only day she gets to get out of home aside from taking the baby for a walk in the neighborhood on a daily basis; it is the only day she gets to wear her best dress. She dolls herself up on Sundays either via make up or by doing a quick new hair style so she could feel pretty because she’s just usually on her tank top and shorts at home with her hair in a bun and with the face she keeps failing to put a moisturizer on. Yet on Sundays where she hears people rushing her to look away from the mirror, she wears her best dress with her damp hair in a bun and with the comb in her hand.

She is fond of dresses and shoes and bags and the usual things a girl has in their wish list but she would wait for her birthday to request for one because it would not be appropriate for her to demand one from her husband as she is only a full time mom who doesn’t bring dough to the table. She wouldn’t want to spend her savings for those things either as she marked all her kept money as “no longer hers but baby’s.”  

She keeps browsing on travel deals and events pages as she would one day want to be in a beach with her friends, climb a mountain or two, or enjoy what she used to do before being a full time mom, but she immediately closes the pages out as people may think that being away from the baby and enjoying leisure with friends may let people think she wants her old singlehood back.

She has the tendency to always want to perfect things as motherhood is her focus and she should not have any misses. She has the tendency to put herself on the least priority. She has the tendency to be guilty for wanting a simple reward or two.

I want her to change all this thinking. Motherhood should not lead to sacrificing one’s personal identity. I’d like her to grab her makeup kit and make herself pretty, if that’s what makes her feel better. I’d like her to start mingling with her friends again, to plan a trip or two or a simple coffee get- together. I’d like her to be more ’herself’ and not care about what others would say. I’d like her to care more about her body by staying fit and not feel incriminated by doing so, with the people around her thinking that she shouldn’t bother as she already is a mother and that whatever body type she may fall under, she would sno longer be replaced by her partner.

As another blogger puts it in a query “we lay down our lives for our children, but shouldn’t we pick up and maintain our lives for our children too?”* Motherhood should not lead to losing but gaining one’s self. It is one of life’s greatest roles that doesn’t end once started. It begins by the moment we know that a life is slowly forming inside our bodies. This knowledge alone should be empowering enough to make us want to fulfill our dreams and realize our long- taught plans for self improvement even if it means temporarily being away from our kids. We have to hug the fact that we cannot be 100% be with our kids as we need some time alone with ourselves,  our partner and our community. When people start to doubt your being a mother as old times pictures a mom merely staying at home waiting for her partner, silence them with your display of confidence and noticeable self worth.     

Let not motherhood be the cause of losing your identity. Let it empower you to still be passionate about the things you enjoyed doing before this phase. The social norm that dictates mothers to be at home most of the time is ancient. Be more of what you'd want to be - whether that'd be a person that starts the talk, someone who conquers heights and mountains and cliffs or someone who's not afraid to take risks for growth. When you become what you envisioned, you would likely be happier in raising your offspring as you know you never held yourself back. You're meant for greatness and you're meant to tell exciting stories to your kids so live your life the fullest.

Kat from