Wednesday, August 18, 2010

wishin' it's milk and honey- for everyone

i support World Vision Foundation

i have dreams, so does everyone.

i want to further my career, to procure a house, to one day settle down with ease.
i want to have more so that i could buy the stuff i only see in magazines, to sit down and worry about what to wear and what tourist spot to visit next, to be snuggled with luxury. heck, who’d say ‘no’ to those?
but i know that i know more than that, i want a simple life, i’ve always wanted simplicity. yes it feels good to be wealthy, but do we really need to

i don’t need a foreign boyfriend who can lead the way to a greener pasture, i don’t even need a greener pasture, what’s the need to search if Philippines is my beloved home and it’s green enough for me, i’ll live here as long as my body would allow me to and i’ll never have to leave to make a living.

i claim this place as what the Lord promised as the lee flowing with milk and honey, i’ll be successsful, and by success i don’t mean material prosperity. i am happy that i am able to help my family (that their eyes are in their distinct glow during 15th and 30th, haha), that i’ve got a nice paying job, and that He bestowed me with creative pair hands, that in my own little ways, makes a difference.

whenever greed comes knockin’ at my door, let alone wants to smash its way towards my entity, all i do is think about the less-fortunate ones who’d die to be in the comfort i’m at, i think about the man with the big tumor near his jawline who barely makes it through the day, of the woman who can’t buy her prescripted pills, of the homeless family who doesn’t know where they’re headed to.

and that’s when it hurts not to have more, the more i think about them and their lives which is way far in being luxurious, the more i wanna be more, the more i wanna be more involved in investing to charity.

yet it’s so deploring to think that while others brag about their new pair of flops which is worth other people’s one-month wage, when others sip from the bottle of a mineral water which is too costly that it’s more than enough to give decent meals to hundreds of empty tummies, when others does not know anymore how to spend their money, a bigger percentage of people struggle to survive. life definitely is unfair, but it’d be more tolerable if everyone owns the heart to share.

it feels so good to be able to help- to share a piece of comfort that we enjoy, but it sometimes hurts a little to have limited means to do so. i wanna be more, i wanna have more so i could give more…

Blog entries are owned and copyrighted by Leah Bulacan © All Rights Reserved 2010. Unauthorized use, copy, editing, reproduction, publication, duplication and distribution of the blog content, without his explicit permission, is punishable by Law.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

it's a sorta fairytale

everyone dreams of their own version of a happily ever after. and i am not an exception.

as mushy as it may sound, i have always dreamt of ending up with my first love, of exchanging vows with with my bestfriend who turned as my special someone nearly six years ago, somewhere in the second semester of my sophomore year in college.

everyone would envy the kind of relationship we had. we never fought over a thing for more than a day, we were in a long distance for nearly three years but people would say we still kept the love aflame, we set out our plans in the future, our parents became comfortable with the idea of us walking through the isle one day, we were each other’s bestfriends.

for some reason or for random or for mixed up reasons, the magic was lost. the love was still there but it was slowly dying, i would not know when it started, i am pretty much sure he was consistent, that while i was just convincing myself that everything will run smoothly between us even though we were apart, i knew he was still the same guy who was madly in love with me.

i was thinking of the major reason why i left him. it could be because i was becoming too weary to wait for him to work in Manila so we could often see each other - too weary that when it happened, that by the time he did what he was supposed to do years back, the excitement with all the love was slowly diminishing. it could also be because of the fact that i once observed that i loved him too much that i had to stop and control it, and by doing so, i lost the feeling altogether, or it could be due to the petty fights we had during his first few weeks of stay in Manila: what with our opening versus closing schedule causing him to be grumpy at times when he’s waiting for me and what with me prioritizing my friends at times instead of having lunch with him.

i would not know what happened, why i lost the spark. i was at one time, jealous on him having a crush on his wave mate who’s a SARA- MYER look-alike (however that surname is spelled) then i suddenly turned to someone who can’t respond to his sweetnots over the phone. i concluded that the problem was me.
i should have been more considerate, more supportive or more of what a girlfriend could have been. i should have never thought about leaving him few days after he broke down crying in front of me. i should have cleaved to my promise of understanding him or whatever situation we are with, i should have never disappointed his parents who were hoping i will take care of him as he is just starting to stay in Manila. i should have thought of staying, and of finding a way on how to be as crazy in love with him as i was 6 years ago.

but there’s no turning back, i am firm with my being alone right now, not because i don’t want to take my words back, but because this is what i think i ought to do, i might be wrong, or right. i would not care less. i am firm with my being alone right now and with doing nothing about love, in not finding it, in not waiting for it, and in just sitting around thinking that the notion of a fairytale is a bit of a blur in my life for the meantime.

Blog entries are owned and copyrighted by Leah Bulacan © All Rights Reserved 2010. Unauthorized use, copy, editing, reproduction, publication, duplication and distribution of the blog content, without his explicit permission, is punishable by Law.