Write Up's I never Got the Courage to Post I: Love We Think We Deserve

Photo by Jerrold Carandang

Everyone has that innate longing to want what they know they cannot have, to try to change something which is more likely to remain constant, to push their selves in situations they are better off ignoring. 

We love the thrill, the chase. We'd like to satisfy the urge of wanting to take and win over a challenge. We’d like to explore and wander.  

You are not alone in feeling this; again, it is innate and is normal. Once entertained, it gives us the same satisfaction of enjoying a vacation with no planned itinerary, of finding a beach in the middle of nowhere after getting lost from a trip which was not meticulously planned. We love the spontaneity of it all, the certainty that everything will be uncertain.  

Enjoy it while you still can but I tell you it would never be permanent. This kind of longing would one day fade away and you’d shift from wanting to hold something you know you’d one day let go of, to wanting something that you know would stay. One could never forever hold on to this as it’d one day dawn on you that it got to stop, you’d be weary and tired of trying, of pushing things, of fighting a fight you know you would not win over. We’d then like the warmth of holding the hand that has been waiting for quite a while to be noticed, we’d then want to veer away from wanting to wander, from wanting to play, we’d then want to accept someone who’d kill and fight for our time.

Don’t push yourself away from this kind of longing though, of thinking of what the others would think as we do not answer to anyone but ourselves- the only one that knows what goes within us. Savor and satisfy this longing if it comes knocking at your door. Sometimes it is necessary to fall in the wrong arms to finally have that yearning to be enveloped with the right one. Sometimes it is necessary to wander so we could find our place on the spot we so well deserved. Sometimes it is necessary that we fall hard because of someone, to finally rise up with someone else who’d ensure something closest to certainty in this world of the unknown.

I am a woman and I believe that this kind of ‘playful’ thrill- seeking nature is not limited to men. It happens, and is felt by everyone. A women’s utmost yearning though, is to feel affection. At the end of it all, this longing supersedes all emotional needs. A woman is a woman. Our hands would be paired with the ones we are destined to hold. Our attention is ought to be given to the ones who have proven their worth. We are meant to stay with the ones who are decisive to stay. After all the shebang, a woman would then delight themselves being with something that needs not to change, of finally accepting what they actually deserve, rather than what they push themselves in believing they deserve. 


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“We accept he love we think we deserve.” –Perks of being a Wallflower.
September 2013

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