(or for all moms who can relate)
She hasn’t taken a bath at 3PM because she had to make sure the
baby is already clean and fresh and ready for siesta before she takes a shower.
She wants to, but can’t get the room tidy 100% of the time even
if she tries hard to make her surroundings spotless. She knows though that it
is normal for toys to be scattered on the floor and puzzle mattes to not be
perfectly aligned with each other and for baby books to not be on their usual
location.
At times, she apologizes to her husband for not being able
to do this or that for him because she did this or that for the baby first so
the husband had to do the task himself.
She always looks forward to Sundays and feels a whimper of
pain if her husband says “can we just
stay at home, I am tired?” Sunday is the only day she gets to get out of
home aside from taking the baby for a walk in the neighborhood on a daily basis;
it is the only day she gets to wear her best dress. She dolls herself up on
Sundays either via make up or by doing a quick new hair style so she could feel
pretty because she’s just usually on her tank top and shorts at home with her
hair in a bun and with the face she keeps failing to put a moisturizer on. Yet
on Sundays where she hears people rushing her to look away from the mirror, she
wears her best dress with her damp hair in a bun and with the comb in her hand.
She is fond of dresses and shoes and bags and the usual
things a girl has in their wish list but she would wait for her birthday to
request for one because it would not be appropriate for her to demand one from
her husband as she is only a full time mom who doesn’t bring dough to the
table. She wouldn’t want to spend her savings for those things either as she
marked all her kept money as “no longer
hers but baby’s.”
She keeps browsing on travel deals and events pages as she
would one day want to be in a beach with her friends, climb a mountain or two,
or enjoy what she used to do before being a full time mom, but she immediately
closes the pages out as people may think that being away from the baby and
enjoying leisure with friends may let people think she wants her old singlehood
back.
She has the tendency to always want to perfect things as
motherhood is her focus and she should not have any misses. She has the
tendency to put herself on the least priority. She has the tendency to be
guilty for wanting a simple reward or two.
I want her to change all this thinking. Motherhood should
not lead to sacrificing one’s personal identity. I’d like her to grab her
makeup kit and make herself pretty, if that’s what makes her feel better. I’d
like her to start mingling with her friends again, to plan a trip or two or a
simple coffee get- together. I’d like her to be more ’herself’ and not care
about what others would say. I’d like her to care more about her body by
staying fit and not feel incriminated by doing so, with the people around her
thinking that she shouldn’t bother as she already is a mother and that whatever
body type she may fall under, she would sno longer be replaced by her partner.
As another blogger puts it in a query “we lay down our
lives for our children, but shouldn’t we pick up and maintain our lives for our
children too?”* Motherhood should not lead to losing but gaining one’s self.
It is one of life’s greatest roles that doesn’t end once started. It begins by
the moment we know that a life is slowly forming inside our bodies. This
knowledge alone should be empowering enough to make us want to fulfill our
dreams and realize our long- taught plans for self improvement even if it means
temporarily being away from our kids. We have to hug the fact that we cannot be
100% be with our kids as we need some time alone with ourselves, our partner and our community. When people
start to doubt your being a mother as old times pictures a mom merely staying
at home waiting for her partner, silence them with your display of confidence
and noticeable self worth.
Let not motherhood be the cause of losing your identity. Let
it empower you to still be passionate about the things you enjoyed doing before
this phase. The social norm that dictates mothers to be at home most of the
time is ancient. Be more of what you'd want to be - whether that'd be a person
that starts the talk, someone who conquers heights and mountains and cliffs or
someone who's not afraid to take risks for growth. When you become what you
envisioned, you would likely be happier in raising your offspring as you know
you never held yourself back. You're meant for greatness and you're meant to
tell exciting stories to your kids so live your life the fullest.
Kat from inspiredtoaction.com
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